In my last post I mentioned about messing with time. Well, I'd give anything to speed it up.. err.. rewind it. I'd be crazy to age myself so quick like that. June 2009 is where I'd like to be again. When my sister was home. Rewind it and just freeze it. I miss her alot. It really upsets me that I am not going to see her again until December of 2010. Unless Tony and I can get up the money for a couple plane tickets to Hawaii. But the economy these days, we all know what kind of miracle that'll take! Tangled up in my sadness of missing my sister, are also feelings of anger.. or maybe more like envy. I'm not quite sure. All I know is that ever since she joined the Coast Guard, my parents have done nothing but talk and brag about her. As well as my little brother. Because he is in college and is doing so great and my parents are so proud of the two of them. I feel like I don't have a place in their lives. And it really hit me today. I went and saw my mom and while I was there I showed her a link to a video that my sister is in. Her company made the video on the boat while they are underway to Japan and China. And Levyii is in it. Immediately my mom posted it to her facebook and began ranting and raving about how proud she is, and it's so cool to watch it and see her. And she went on and on. I posted the link to a video that I am in from my visit to the Playboy Mansion last year for an Autism fundraiser. Not a word from her. So what. The military isn't my thing. I enjoy modeling. And not to mention, I settled for the army wife life. So does that make my life easy??!! I really don't know what it's going to take for me to make my parents proud. It would make things a whole lot easier if, perhaps, they could tell me. Not living up to their expectations, in a way, makes me feel ashamed. I still look sad even when I'm happy. Maybe that's why someone once told me that I have a Mona Lisa smile...