Two weeks since my last post. And a boring two weeks it has been. I feel like I have done nothing but work and sleep. Time feels as though it is starting to slow down, which is exactly what I have feared since the begining of this deployment. I think the reason the days are begining to drag is because Tony will be coming home soon for his RR. Naturally, I am excited about that, which is why the days feel so much longer than they used to. I think someone, up above, find great joy in torturing me. Story of my life.

Aside from doing nothing but working and sleeping, I have gotten out of the house a couple of times to go roller skating with D. I couldn't pass that opportunity up. About eight years ago, roller skating was my absolute number one passion. I would go skating every Friday and Saturday night. I took lessons every week. My parents even went as far as getting me my very competition skates. However, I used to hang out with the wrong crowd and found myself constantly getting in trouble. My parents ended up pulling me out of skate club and made sure that I never went skating again on Friday and Saturday nights, in an attempt to get me on the right path in life. Unfortunately, it never worked. Changing my life around was something that I had to do on my own. I had to have the desire to do such a thing. And eventually I got older, wiser, and more mature. I realized that it was okay to be a leader instead of a follower. It took me a while to earn my parents' trust back, but I finally did it. I suppose I should get off this subject though and discuss my present life instead.

Last week I got four dozen roses from Tony along with a teddy bear the size of me. Don't believe me? See for yourself:

I told you so! I honestly did not have a clue as to what I was supposed to do with it. And I still don't. The only thing I could think of was to use him as a pillow. Although there really isn't much room now in my bed for me.

I guess I really don't have much else to talk about. Hopefully my next post will have something a bit more exciting. Sorry!

It has been quite a while since I have let out a good cry, and I have a feeling I'll end up bawling my eyes out before I even finish this post. Lately, I have been trying desperately to figure out why the closest people to me.. are leaving me for an extended amount of time. It's the people who have been helping me deal with, and get through this deployment.

My sister has finally been excepted into the Coast Guard. She has been waiting on the approval of her tattoos, and she got it. As much as I rant and rave about her and about how much she annoys the crap out of me, I know I am going to miss the heck out of her when she leaves for boot camp. I am so very proud of her, but at the same time I am filled with rage that she is leaving me. She is the person that I vent to.. or shall we say the person I take all my anger out on. I know she'll only be gone for a couple of months, but that's two whole months of feeling even more alone than I already do right now.

The other person leaving me is D. If you've been keeping up with my blog then you know how close D and I are. She has had an amazing impact on my life, and I was completely devastated a couple weeks ago when she called me to tell me that she was moving back to Cali. I want her to do what is best for her, and I want nothing more than for her to be happy. However, her happiness while bring me an overwhelming amount of sadness. In just three months we have formed a friendship that most people can only wish for. The support and motivation we have for eachother is simply amazing. When she moves back to Cali, she'll be taking an extremely large piece of my heart with her, and I don't think she realizes it. A piece of my heart that I will never be able to replace. I just can't quite figure out how I am supposed to carry on without her here. I know she'll only be a phone call away, but what do I do when I need a shoulder to cry on? No one else around here has time. No one else around here cares.. like, really cares. No one else around here has a clue as to what I am dealing with. I realize that she has a darn good reason for moving back to Cali... her man is coming home soon from Iraq. Most likely in the next couple of months. I'm not going to lie, I envy her. What normal human being wouldn't be jealous? I know I get to see Tony in a couple of months, and I am so grateful for it, but it's only 15 days. And then I have to make that dreaded trip to the airport with him, and watch him walk away all over again. Even thinking about it right now I can't keep myself from crying. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my entire life. I really just want to fall asleep and not wake up for the next 9 months!
Right now I am lying in bed hoping that Tony will sign online. Today is his day off, the only day we get to talk for what feels like forever. On his day off we always get to spend a good few hours reassuring eachother that neither one of us is going anywhere, and that we're going to make it through this deployment together. But for some unknown reason, my hubby is no where to be found online. Just like any other military wife, or girlfriend, this worries the heck out of me. I have a million knots in my stomach, that just won't seem to give, and an undesirable urge to throw up every last one of my internal organs. I'm sure the situation is something minor, such as a sandstorm, or something of the sort, that is preventing him from coming online. It's hard to keep your mind away from all the negative possibilities though, when the one that you love so much is in harm's way. I hadn't heard from him all day Friday or Saturday. I was beyond worried. I was just about ready to start pulling my hair out. But let me tell you something, as tired as I was on Sunday morning, waking up to the sound of his ringtone, was one of the best noises I have ever heard in all my life. After two days of not hearing from him, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I really have no idea how some military wives or girlfriends go 4-7 days without hearing from their soldier. I am truly blessed to have a husband who goes out of his way all the time just to let me know that he is okay.

I s'pose while I'm waiting for him to come online I could update you all as to what's been going on in my life. Thursday was an interesting day, so I'll start with that.
Over the last couple of weeks, D and I have been talking about getting more ink done. We eventually got to talking about getting matching tattoos since she's leaving. So on Thursday morning, we started the day off by going to her chiropractor appointment and then we headed to the DMV to get her a non-driver ID. While we were waiting in line, a man that worked there told us that she would need atleast her birth certificate to get the ID. However, this became a problem, due to the fact that her wallet had been stolen, which had everything in it. Her license, social security card, birth certificate, etc. So we asked the man how we were supposed to go about getting her birth certificate without any form of identification. His response baffled me. "I don't know, but you need your birth certificate to get an ID." Um, what?! Oookay, thanks for your help, buddy! It's much appreciated! The both of us stormed out of the DMV, muttering obscenities under our breath. We ended up heading to L-town anyways, with no ID, to see if we could get a copy of D's birth certificate. I decided to take back roads there to avoid any sort of traffic, since it was right around 1 or 2 in the afternoon. As we were on our way there, I decided to call my dad to see if he had picked up my tires from the garage, where my car was repaired. As the other line is ringing, I was being pulled over by a bunch of cops who were camping out right in front of my street. I was trying to focus on the cop who was yelling at me and where I was pulling over, when my dad picked up his cell phone and says, "Hello?" I'm sure he found my response a bit weird when I asked, "WHAT?!!" He couldn't figure it out since I was the one calling him. I quickly snapped out of it and realized the multiple, miserable, details of what was going on around me. I told my dad that I had to get off the phone because I was being pulled over for my inspection sticker. I quickly hung up on him as he was asking me what's wrong with my inspection sticker. I'm not going to lie, I am quite the procrastinator. My inspection sticker was 4 days over due. The cop approached my car and after a few rude remarks from him, he walked away with my license and registration. D and I sat there patiently waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Then we waited some more. I decided to call my dad back and try to explain what was going on. Once again, my timing was awful. As my dad answered his cell phone, the cop was on his way back to my car. I had to hang up on my dad again and answer to the cop. He let me off with a written warning and a couple more rude remarks before letting me go.
Our journey continued. We finally made it to L-town with no other interruptions along the way. I pulled into a parking lot where I met a kind, elderly man. He gave me a ticket, allowing me to park in the lot and keeping track of how long I was parked for. This was fine by me. I figured we wouldn't be there very long anyways. I happily accepted the parking ticket from the man and found a front row space. Now this is the part that kills me. D and I found the town clerk's office and told them that she needed a copy of her birth cerftificate. She was asked to fill out a form with her information and pay $3. That's it. They didn't ask for any form of ID. No kind of security questions. So I guess you could say that anyone can get a copy of anyone's birth certificate as long as you know a few minor details about them. I don't know about you, but I found this to be pretty refreshing. (I hope you sense the sarcasm there!) A few moments later, D had her birth certificate in her hands. I made her tuck it away in her purse so that she wouldn't lose it. We headed back to my car and proceeded towards the lot exit. I stopped in front of the booth so that I could pay the whole 50 cents that I owed. I waited a good minute and the lady that was there still wasn't coming out of her booth. So D decided to yell out the car window, wondering how much we owed if we were there less than an hour. We were hoping that she'd come out of her booth and over to my car. No such luck. Instead she yells back at us, "I can't hear you over the television!" That's when she started getting on my nerves. Once again I started mumbling obsceneties beneath my breath and asked why I should have to get out of my car if she's the one working!?! She was even more rude to me than the cop was! She asked me why she should have to walk over to my car when I was right there. I was so tempted to just take off without even paying, but I knew she'd take down my plate number and report me, and I wasn't about to pay a fine over a measly 50 cents. Instead I was the bigger person and got out of my car to go and hand her my money. I told her that she is the one that's getting paid to work and that if she can't hear anything, maybe she should turn the volume, on her TV, down. And of course I threw in a couple of extra words with all of that. I'm surprised she didn't pull a gun out and shoot me in the face.
D and I started on our mission again, back to the DMV. On our way there she asked me if we could stop at the pawn shop so she could pawn some of her jewelry. I had no problem stopping. She's my best friend and I'd do anything for her. When we got there, I found myself parked in a rental car space (the pawn shop and rent a car place are both in the same building). So as I started backing out of the space, a cop was pulling through the lot right behind me. I couldn't help but cringe. I got into the correct parking space and asked D what she wanted to get rid of. I was going to have to go in by myself because you need to be 18+ to pawn stuff. So as she was deciding, guess who pulled up right next to my car. Mhmm. The cop. He got out of his vehicle and asked us if we were waiting for someone. So we told him what we were doing. D needed money for Cali so she decided to pawn some stuff. He mentioned something about the temp vanity plate I had on my car, and I was so frustrated that I was being pulled over for the second time in less than 2 hours, that I misunderstood him. I thought he was bugging me about my inspection sticker like the last guy did. So I held up my written warning and told him go away because I had already been bagged for it! He laughed about the whole situation and explained to me that sometimes when people get vanity plates, they never put the original one on. Instead they leave the cheapo, paper temp vanity plate on. I was rather perplexed by what I was hearing. Who does that?! I simply told him that I hadn't received my plates in the mail yet and that I had just recently gotten my car registered. He still had to call in my plate number anyways and blahdy blahdy blah! So as D and I were waiting once again, the guy next to us was hosing down one of the rental cars, getting water all inside my car. (I had to roll my window down to talk to the cop). And not to mention, the cop was standing outside, right behind my car. I felt bad for him because I'm sure the rental moron was getting him wet as well. I found him to be extremely rude. When the cop came back over to my car window, I began venting about the man with the hose, to him. He jokingly asked me if I wanted him to arrest the man. I told him "Yes!!! It would make my stressful day just a little bit brighter!" He laughed at me and told me I was all set. D and I decided to step out of my car and have a smoke. As we were doing so, another cop was pulling through the parking lot. Me, being very out spoken, yelled to the cop "Does he want to pull me over too!!!?" He called me over to the cruiser just to tell me that cigarettes would stunt my growth. Har har. Very funny. I told him that I have plans to quit as soon as Tony comes home. He nodded in approval and went on his way. After going through all of that, I never made it into the pawn shop for D. Instead we were headed to the DMV again, where we had to wait in line for pretty close to an hour. While we were waiting for her ID to be printed, the useless man who was there earlier began lecturing us. He told us that we should know about "identity theft" since I was wearing and Army Wife sweatshirt and D was wearing a Marine sweatshirt. I had no idea what that was supposed to mean. I had to bite my tongue so that I wouldn't ask him. I knew that whatever response he came up with, chances are I would've spit in his face.
After all the trouble we went through, D finally had her ID. We grabbed a bite to eat before heading to my chiropractor appointment. I felt like a brand new person after that. We left Mr. R's office and went directly to the lair for our tattoo appointment. I had forgotten how good it felt to be inked. We got out of there around 10pm and decided to go back to my house and call it a night. As we were sitting at a red light, another car pulled up next to mine. In the passenger seat was one of Tony's battle buddies! He is home on RR right now. I rolled my window down to say hi. Apparently he didn't recognize me because they all wanted to know if D and I wanted to go somewhere and get drunk with them. I told them that we weren't interested and I was tired from not having slept in 32 hours. His battle buddy told me "Get used to it hunny, I do it all the time." One of the kids in the back seat piped up and told me that he is on his way back to Iraq. I flopped my arm out my window and said "I know. My husband is over there with him!" As the light turned green, I was complimented on the size of the rock in my engagement ring. I took off, and that was that. Oy! Glad that day is over with!

Although my New Year's Eve wasn't all that exciting or happy, it would be rather rude of me to not start this post off by saying: Happy New Year Everyone!

Another milestone in this deployment. In the last few months, there's been a handful of holidays that I have been dreading. I never thought I'd make it through any of them without Tony by my side. I continue to prove myself wrong every day that I wake up. Here I am, still alive. I thought for sure I would have died by now with the way my heart has been heavily aching and longing for my husband. I continue to prove to myself that I am stronger than I ever thought I was. I have also come to realize that I am a lot stronger than most people ever will be. This deployment isn't easy, but at the same time.. it isn't hard either. It's not easy being so far away from the 1 person you love more than anything in this world. Being able to talk to them only when it's convenient for them, or if the phone lines are even working for that matter. It's not easy worrying every second of every day, wondering if they are still alive, or if you'll ever get to hear the sound of their precious voice again. But it's not hard to get through it all. What it all comes down to is love. If you love someone with ALL of your heart, you will do whatever it takes to be with them. You just have to look forward to all the wonderful things in life that you still have to accomplish with each other. You find a way to communicate. And as much as it hurts spending the holidays alone, your love for them grows that much more.

I spent my new year's eve at work. I worked 3pm until 11pm. I called D up when I was on my way home and she was at a house party. She informed me that a lot of people were asking about me and wanted to see me last night. I told her I'd consider stopping by. It sounded like a nice idea to bring in the new year with a group of friends, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that a lot of the people at the party really don't care about me. They never take the time to e-mail me or call me to see how I am doing. So I figured the best thing to do was just go home and watch the ball drop by myself. I sat on the couch holding the soldier bear that Tony made me and a framed picture of him that we keep on the TV in the living room. When midnight rolled around, I gave his picture a big smooch and squeezed my teddy bear. I immediately had to turn the TV off. I just couldn't handle it, emotionally, to see all the happy couples celebrating and bringing in the new year with a romantic passionate kiss. I'm not going to lie, jealousy was setting in. This is only temporary.
When I was able to pull myself together, I got in my car and headed to R's house for the party. When I got there, people were starting to leave. I guess that means I am quite the party crasher, huh? I headed upstairs to find D. To my surprise she was in the bathroom with her man's ex-girlfriend, who was barfing her brains out. Awkward. I ended up socializing for a little while, when somehow, I ended up back in the bathroom with D and her man's ex-girlfriend.. who was barfing her brains out again. When D started to puke a little bit, that's when I decided to head downstairs for a smoke. As I left the bathroom and stepped out into the hallway, I found myself in the middle of a drunken dispute. There was plenty of yelling and unnecessary comments being thrown back and forth between the 2 guys. Next thing I know the guy to my left starts heading towards the guy to my right. I'm friends with both of these boys, so I tried to step in and get in front of the one to my left. I failed miserabley and ended up being pushed out of the way. Guy to my left shoved guy to my right and then walked away. D came out of the bathroom and tried to calm down guy to my right, when he all of a sudden reaches over D and started swinging at guy to my left. I had been pushed to the back of the hallway and heard someone yell that D had been hit in the face and was on the floor. I found my heart, erratically, beating in my throat. I must have pulled 3 people off of her and fell to floor as I wrapped my arms around her and held her as she cried. As I tried to console her, another 3 people came walking down the hall, escorting some girl who was 10 stages beyond drunk, she ended up stepping on D's leg, which caused her to cry out even more. There was so much commotion going on in that hallway. It was outrageous. And as soon as word got around that D had been hit, by guy to my right, all the guys there wanted to fight him. He didn't even mean to hit D. It was a complete accident. Maybe I'm the only one who realized this because I was the only one who was sober! A few guys ended up getting guy to my right into one of the bedrooms and were trying to calm him down. I went in and tried to help as well. He was really upset and in denial that he hit D. He still wanted to fight guy to my left, and was trying to get out of the bedroom to finish what was started. He kept drunkly repeating "F*** You" to these people who have been his friends for years. One of them stupidly pipes up with the remark "F*** your mom" which angered guy to my right even more. I found myself in the corner of the bedroom not knowing what to do or where to go to avoid being hit, as guy to my right starting throwing his friends out of his way. One of the girls at the party came in and grabbed my arm as she led me out of the room, telling me that D needed me.
To make the rest of this story short, D and I came back to my empty house and crashed.
As we were getting in the car to head to my house, Tony called me at 3am, which was rather unusual as he should've been at work. Come to find out, he hyperventilated for some reason and passed out. So when we got back to my house I was able to talk to him for a little while online, because he was ordered to go back to barracks and get some rest. I am thankful that I got the chance to talk to him for a few hours. It really helped put me at ease. I miss him so much! Atleast now I can say that he comes home this year!!