Although my New Year's Eve wasn't all that exciting or happy, it would be rather rude of me to not start this post off by saying: Happy New Year Everyone!

Another milestone in this deployment. In the last few months, there's been a handful of holidays that I have been dreading. I never thought I'd make it through any of them without Tony by my side. I continue to prove myself wrong every day that I wake up. Here I am, still alive. I thought for sure I would have died by now with the way my heart has been heavily aching and longing for my husband. I continue to prove to myself that I am stronger than I ever thought I was. I have also come to realize that I am a lot stronger than most people ever will be. This deployment isn't easy, but at the same time.. it isn't hard either. It's not easy being so far away from the 1 person you love more than anything in this world. Being able to talk to them only when it's convenient for them, or if the phone lines are even working for that matter. It's not easy worrying every second of every day, wondering if they are still alive, or if you'll ever get to hear the sound of their precious voice again. But it's not hard to get through it all. What it all comes down to is love. If you love someone with ALL of your heart, you will do whatever it takes to be with them. You just have to look forward to all the wonderful things in life that you still have to accomplish with each other. You find a way to communicate. And as much as it hurts spending the holidays alone, your love for them grows that much more.

I spent my new year's eve at work. I worked 3pm until 11pm. I called D up when I was on my way home and she was at a house party. She informed me that a lot of people were asking about me and wanted to see me last night. I told her I'd consider stopping by. It sounded like a nice idea to bring in the new year with a group of friends, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that a lot of the people at the party really don't care about me. They never take the time to e-mail me or call me to see how I am doing. So I figured the best thing to do was just go home and watch the ball drop by myself. I sat on the couch holding the soldier bear that Tony made me and a framed picture of him that we keep on the TV in the living room. When midnight rolled around, I gave his picture a big smooch and squeezed my teddy bear. I immediately had to turn the TV off. I just couldn't handle it, emotionally, to see all the happy couples celebrating and bringing in the new year with a romantic passionate kiss. I'm not going to lie, jealousy was setting in. This is only temporary.
When I was able to pull myself together, I got in my car and headed to R's house for the party. When I got there, people were starting to leave. I guess that means I am quite the party crasher, huh? I headed upstairs to find D. To my surprise she was in the bathroom with her man's ex-girlfriend, who was barfing her brains out. Awkward. I ended up socializing for a little while, when somehow, I ended up back in the bathroom with D and her man's ex-girlfriend.. who was barfing her brains out again. When D started to puke a little bit, that's when I decided to head downstairs for a smoke. As I left the bathroom and stepped out into the hallway, I found myself in the middle of a drunken dispute. There was plenty of yelling and unnecessary comments being thrown back and forth between the 2 guys. Next thing I know the guy to my left starts heading towards the guy to my right. I'm friends with both of these boys, so I tried to step in and get in front of the one to my left. I failed miserabley and ended up being pushed out of the way. Guy to my left shoved guy to my right and then walked away. D came out of the bathroom and tried to calm down guy to my right, when he all of a sudden reaches over D and started swinging at guy to my left. I had been pushed to the back of the hallway and heard someone yell that D had been hit in the face and was on the floor. I found my heart, erratically, beating in my throat. I must have pulled 3 people off of her and fell to floor as I wrapped my arms around her and held her as she cried. As I tried to console her, another 3 people came walking down the hall, escorting some girl who was 10 stages beyond drunk, she ended up stepping on D's leg, which caused her to cry out even more. There was so much commotion going on in that hallway. It was outrageous. And as soon as word got around that D had been hit, by guy to my right, all the guys there wanted to fight him. He didn't even mean to hit D. It was a complete accident. Maybe I'm the only one who realized this because I was the only one who was sober! A few guys ended up getting guy to my right into one of the bedrooms and were trying to calm him down. I went in and tried to help as well. He was really upset and in denial that he hit D. He still wanted to fight guy to my left, and was trying to get out of the bedroom to finish what was started. He kept drunkly repeating "F*** You" to these people who have been his friends for years. One of them stupidly pipes up with the remark "F*** your mom" which angered guy to my right even more. I found myself in the corner of the bedroom not knowing what to do or where to go to avoid being hit, as guy to my right starting throwing his friends out of his way. One of the girls at the party came in and grabbed my arm as she led me out of the room, telling me that D needed me.
To make the rest of this story short, D and I came back to my empty house and crashed.
As we were getting in the car to head to my house, Tony called me at 3am, which was rather unusual as he should've been at work. Come to find out, he hyperventilated for some reason and passed out. So when we got back to my house I was able to talk to him for a little while online, because he was ordered to go back to barracks and get some rest. I am thankful that I got the chance to talk to him for a few hours. It really helped put me at ease. I miss him so much! Atleast now I can say that he comes home this year!!