Yesterday, I agreed to pick up a fellow co-workers shift. She asked me on Monday if I would do it because she was really tired and wanted to catch up on some sleep. Since I know what that is like, I had no problem picking up her shift. While at work yesterday, I was blessed enough to bump into one of our frequent flyers. He goes by Rick. And he'll most likely go by anything else you happen to call him. Just don't ever call him Richard. That's what his mom would call him as a kid when she was angry with him. Rick is a Vietnam Veteran. And sadly enough, he's an alcoholic as well. So of course, we all assume that he's drunk again when he shows up at our emergency room. Most of my co-workers tend to roll their eyes when they see him. But honestly, can you blame the guy for being an alcoholic? If you know anything about Vietnam and the way those soldiers were treated when they got home, then you can't blame the poor guy. During the course of this deployment, I have had many encounters with Rick. So many, that we seem to have formed some what of a bond.
Yesterday, he began telling me stories about Vietnam and what would happen when they went on R&R. He told me that when some soldiers found a fellow soldier's dead body, they would swap dogtags with them and then run like a bat out of hell. I was in shock listening to him tell this story. And my jaw must have been on the floor, because he looked at me and said, "Oh Stacie, the stories I could tell you." Then he began talking about his PTSD. I told him that when my hubby comes home, maybe we'll bump into him somewhere and share a beer with him, and he could talk to my hubby and have someone that he could relate to (rather than a bunch of healthcare workers who are just going to roll their eyes at him and give him the small amount of attention that is required in order to get their job done, and no more than that). After I said that to him, he told me that's mainly why he comes to the ER. To talk. The poor guy is lonely and I am about the only person who will sit there and truly listen to him. He told me about the flashbacks he has. And that when he has flashbacks all he wants to do is kill, especially if someone hurts the people in his life that he cares about. Lying in the stretcher with his fists clenched, he looked up at me. As I looked into his eyes, I could see how much hatred and anger was in him, but I could see deeper than that. His blue eyes are filled with compassion. As those big, loving blue eyes moved up to meet mine, he said this to me, "If anyone ever hurts you Stacie, I will kill them." There I was standing face to face with a man who doesn't know me from a hole in the wall. All he knows is that my husband is in Iraq fighting to get home to me, and fighting for the freedom that he once fought for. He knows nothing else about me, and yet he seems to care so much. And I find myself in the same shoes as him. If anything ever happened to Rick, I would be devasted. The thought of being able to share a beer with my husband, when he comes home, lit up Rick's face. It would mean so much to him. I just pray that he can keep himself healthy so that he can stick around, in this crazy life, long enough to be able to meet Tony. It's so beautiful how you can form such a bond with an individual that you know nothing about, except for the minor details.
God Bless you, Rick. And Thank You for all of your services and all that you have done for our beautiful country. You have a place in my heart, that you are most likely unaware of and will probably never realize. That is where I keep you now, and that's where, forever, you will stay.

Today is one of those days that I wish was over already and it's only 10:13 in the AM!! It started out awful. I was supposed to be at work at 7am but instead I woke UP at 7am. And what woke me up was my phone ringing because the hubby was calling me. I told him to hold on so I could call my work and let them know that I was going to be there by 7:30. The secretary told me that he'd let the charge nurse know. I went back to my cell phone and told my hubby I was late for work and I needed to go shower. I left the phone on hoping I'd still be connected with him by the time I got out of the shower and dressed for work. But when I got back to my room I found that we weren't connected anymore. As I walked down to the kitchen to get my lunch bag I said to my mom, "Why couldn't you make sure I was awake?!" She told me that it's not her job to make sure I'm up in time for work. That set me off. I was angry, but definately too tired to make sure she was aware that I was angry. My mom works night shift is constantly telling us, "Make sure I am up at 4:30pm to get ready for work." And now she has the nerve to tell me it's not her job?!? If I wasn't as tired as I was, I would've told her that it's not my responsibility to make sure she's up either and that I didn't plan on doing it anymore either. I suppose it's a good thing I was too tired to speak though. I know that would have caused a serious argument.
I got into my car and as I was backing out of the driveway, hubby called me. We only got to talk for about 5 minutes until he had to go to work. As we were getting off the phone I realized that I had a bloody nose! I wiped away any visable blood and pulled into Dunkins, because there's absolutely impossible for me to work without my coffee, and realized that it was 7:30 already. So once again this morning, I was running late! I decided to get a box-of-joe for my co-workers. I called and let one of the nurses know and told her that I was getting coffee for everyone, so waiting for me to show up would actually be worth the wait.
I made it to work, and as I was getting out of my car, I heard tires screech and then BAM! A couple spaces down from me, a lady was pulling into a parking space and slammed in the car that was parked in front of her. She proceeded to back out, drive around to the row that the other car was in, and parked in a different space. I ended up getting her plate number, and walked into work asking everyone if they drive a silver Subaru. No one seemed to own it. My manager then told me that I should call security and report it since no one in the ER owned the car that was hit. I felt bad about being a snitch, and the lady who hit the car was obviously having a bad day as well. I knew if I told on her that it would make her day even worse. But then I got to thinking.. "If it was my car, you're damn right I'd wanna know if someone it!" So I called up security and told them that I witnessed a "hit and run and then park" in the parking lot. I was asked to go outside and meet up with one of them. I pointed out the two cars and explained to him what happened. He took down the information of both cars, and number on the employee parking sticker on the Subaru. While we were outside, a man was walking into the hospital and he kept stopping and turning around to look at us. Eventually he made it into the building. Security finished making the report and left and I walked back up to the ER, when some lady came from around the corner and approached me. She asked me if I was just looking at her car with security. I knew she wasn't the lady who was driving the black car (the one that did the hitting) because her hair was defiantely shorter than the other lady's hair. My heart started to race and I started thinking "Oh my gosh! What if I just gave the wrong information about the car that did the hitting and now this lady is going to get in trouble for something she didn't do!?" All I could do was spurt out exactly what I had seen previously when I first got to work, "This morning I saw a black Hyundai hit a silver Subaru." That's when she told me that she owns the silver Subaru. I asked her if she wanted to walk back down there with me and look at the damage. She didn't seem to be mad about it, but she just wanted the lady to own up to her mistake since she didn't even leave a note on the car that she hit. She was telling me that she was surprised because she's had the car for about 2 years now and hasn't had a single dent in it yet.
Not too long ago, the guy from security came to the ER and told me I was in so much trouble and now I need to go to court since I'm the one that witnessed it. Eventually I got him to admit that he was joking. He told me he found the two employees and the lady with the silver Subaru said she didn't want to file anything because the damage wasn't that bad, but she wanted to keep the "case" open incase there was damage underneath. I felt better knowing that the lady with the Subaru wasn't mad at the other lady, because I was afraid if she got in trouble and knew I ratted her out, that she'd come and find me!
I know I did the right thing, but in retrospect, I feel bad. Now I feel like something crappy is going to happen to me because I told on someone. But when I thought about it, if I didn't tell on her, then something crappy would still happen to me because I was a witness of someone's property being damaged.
I have a feeling that this is going to be one of those days where I can't win at all! Everything is going to be a lose-lose situation! Only 7 hours and 45 minutes left til this day is over.. Oy vey!

Thursday night, I was fortunate enough to attend an incredibly heart warming event. For those of you who follow the news when it comes to the war in Iraq, a soldier from area has been MIA since May 12th. No one seems to know whether he is alive or dead. Troops continue to look for Spc. Jimenez along with Pvt. Fouty who is from Michigan. Spc. Jimenez's family knows nothing, except that their loved one is in harm's way. They are an amazing bunch of people. They refuse to give up hope, and their faith never seems to quiver.

I attended the vigil, on Thursday, for Spc. Jimenez where I met his father. I wanted nothing more than to reach out and hug him so tight. You could see the pain in his eyes. What he, and the rest of the family, is going through is just awful. I have been following their story in the local newspaper and I can't even make it to the end of the article. I get chills up and down my spine, my face gets flushed, and I have to walk away. I decided it was time for me to step it up as an Army Wife. Here is story about the vigil that was held Thursday. I hope it's as moving for you to read, as it was for me to be there...

LAWRENCE - Yellow and white candles flickered in the wind as family members, friends and strangers gathered outside 11 Albion St. to mark the two months since Army Spc. Alex Jimenez disappeared in Iraq.

In a sign of solidarity, they prayed that Jimenez, 25, missing since May 12 returns home safe.

"For the country, Alex is a missing soldier, but for us, he is the brother, the son who is not with us here today," said Angel Mendez, of Hispanic Assembly of God. "We have a strong faith that he will be found alive."

The home, which is that of Jimenez's father, Andy Jimenez, has had a yellow ribbon on the door since his son's disappearance. The chain-link fence is adorned with American and Dominican flags, and yellow bunting. A poster of Alex Jimenez in uniform hangs from one of the windows with the words, "We are with You."

Jimenez was among three soldiers believed captured by a group linked to al-Qaida during an ambush south of Baghdad. He and Pvt. Byron Fouty, 19, of Michigan are still missing, although their ID cards were found later in a house north of Baghdad. The body of the third soldier was found in the Euphrates River.

Last night's vigil featured prayers and reflection by the Rev. Edwin Rodriguez, pastor of El Faro Universal Church (Beacon Church), and Mendez.

"Through all the pain I've gone through, your support and prayers have been a gift to me," Andy Jimenez said.

Yesterday morning, Jimenez said he woke up thinking of the morning of May 12 when officers came to tell him his son was missing. He said it was then that his nightmares began.

"Nothing would mean more to me than to have Alex back," he said before the vigil.

Maria Teresa Martinez and her daughter Laura Santana helped set up 61 candles on a window pane set on the pavement - to mark the days Alex has been missing.

Neither one knows the family, but wanted to offer their support.

"It's a terrible moment to be alone and we wanted to be with him," Martinez said. Her daughter added, "This gives them the strength to go on."

Martinez and Santana attended a Mass at St. Mary of the Assumption last month and stayed until midnight.

Attending the vigil were veterans and area residents who have relatives in the military, including some in Iraq.

Stacie Hawkins' husband, Anthony, has been in Iraq since September. She attended the vigil wearing a T-shirt that read, "Army Wife."

"I wanted to come not just to be another person in the crowd, but to show solidarity," Hawkins said. "I can't imagine what it is like and I think, 'What if it was my husband?"

Alexander Castillo of Lawrence, assistant pastor at Monte de Oracion (Mountain of Prayer) Church knows too well the stress that comes from having a family member in Iraq. His older brother, Luis, served in the Gulf War and his younger brother, Ariel, was in Iraq.

"We would go two to three months without hearing from them," Castillo said. "It was nerve-racking for us, especially when we would hear stuff in the news about soldiers dying and not knowing if it was one of your own."

Also attending last night's vigil were Joan and Paul Croteau of Lawrence.

Last month, Joan sent Alex's father, Ramon "Andy" Jimenez, a letter of support along with an angel pin decorated with red, white, and blue crystals. In turn, Jimenez gave Croteau a photograph of Alex in uniform.

She placed the photograph on a heart cutout and wore it on her shirt, along with a pin of an American flag bearing a cross.

"I wanted to come to support him," said Croteau. "This is not just for Alex, but for all the men and women who are sacrificing their lives so we can have peace and freedom."

Mary DeJesus has known Alex all of her life and said she would not have missed last night's vigil for anything.

"When you hear about those things, you always think it happens to other people," said DeJesus, who attended with daughters, Stephanie Corcoran, 4, and Shannelly DeJesus, 13.

"When I found out it was Andy's son, I was shocked. It was terrible."

I have no excuse for the hiatus I have taken from keeping up with this blog. I could always use the "I've been working my butt off, going to school, and being a full time Army Wife" excuse, but I am sure that you all will sit there and roll your eyes because you have heard it a thousand times already from me. However, I do have another interesting story to tell.

I don't know if I just have bad luck or if my state is just filled with rude, inconsiderate people. Once again, another Red Blooded American has disappointed me and has pushed me further into believing my assumption of all people being the same. Ignorant.
Last Saturday (on the 7th), I went to a late 4th of July party. It was being held across the street from my friend's house, at his mom and stepdad's house. RM and LC invited me, and being an Army Wife, of course I was all excited about celebrating. Fireworks, food, beer, swimming. It all sounded like a great time. But you know the old saying, never judge a book by its cover. I should've known that a 4th of July party was a disaster waiting to happen for me.
A couple of my friends and I ended up going swimming late in the night when it had already gotten dark out. I was freezing my butt off when I got out of the pool. I'm not going to lie, I was a tad bit drunk. However, not drunk enough to build up a liquid jacket. I wasn't tall enough to stand next to the tiki torch to get warm, so I croutched down to the ground next to one of the deck lights (the really really tiny ones that usually go all the way around an in ground pool). Some guy decided he was going to try and be funny. He took an American Flag (the kind with the stick that you can put into the ground and line your front yard with them what not) and he tried to drape it around me like it was a towel. I didn't find this funny at all. I made him well aware of that as I backed away from the flag and put my hand up to stop him. While this was going on, some other girl rudely piped up with, "Well it IS on your bathing suit." And she began laughing as well. When that was all said and done, the guy THREW the American Flag at me and walked off laughing. My friend J could tell I was irate at this point. (For those of you who have been keeping up with my blog.. I'm sure you remember the bottle of Malibu Rum incident back in March). I am not someone that you want to mess with. Especially when it comes to my husband, the troops, and our beautiful country. As my rage started to escalate, J came over and told me to get my things together so we could leave. I went back across the street with her, WITH the American Flag in my arms. I put my stuff down and back over to the party to talk to some people in the driveway. As I started to tell someone about what happened, I realized the guy was standing there in the group. I pointed at him and said, "It was you!" And when I tried to tell him that I didn't appreciate him disrespecting the flag like that, he got in my face!!! He was inches from my face yelling at me that he respects what my husband is doing over there, but I am too drunk to understand what's going on, and that I need to get over it or go cry about it. At the end of his ranting and raving, he told me that if I stuck around I was going to be severely hurt and he walked away again!! When I told him to hit me, he told me I was psycho. And I agreed. I stood there for about a half hour waiting for my beating that I was supposed to get, when RM's mom came over to me and told me that I needed to leave because the children at the party were getting scared. I was baffled by this. I never attacked the guy. I never yelled. I tried to tell him that something upset me and he got my face and threatened me! And now I was being asked to leave because I was scaring the children. WHAT?!

How can people celebrate holidays like that, when they obviously don't understand the real meaning, or it has no value to them. I suppose it's just another excuse to throw a party. I'm not sure.

I eventually went back across the street, and that's when I discovered that my purse was among the missing. I was outraged once again. That's when I started storming around screaming that my purse better be given back to me or else I was going to start swinging. I had gone into the bathroom and changed into Tony's Army PT sweatpants that I had in my backpack. So I KNEW my purse was not in there. I was sitting on the livingroom floor crying hysterically because my phone was in my purse and if Tony called me I was going to miss his phone call. In the middle of my incoherent babbling, I looked into the kitchen and saw someone going through my backpack. I rudely asked him what he was doing (with a few obsceneties thrown into the mix). He told me, "I'm trying to help you look for your purse." I started yelling at him that I was just in my backpack and if it was in there I would've known about it. He says, "I'm just trying to help you, hun." Hun?! No no no. First of all, don't EVER call me hun. There is only one person in this world privileged enough to call me anything other than Stacie, and that person is my husband. Second of all, don't EVER go through my things without asking me first, unless you are my husband.
I moved into the kitchen and continued to bawl my eyes out, lying on the floor. That's when I heard a noise. I yelled for everyone to shut up as I put my ear against the floor and tried to listen. My phone was ringing! My friend Ed came walking over to me with my purse that he found out on the steps. I frantically began digging through my purse to find my phone. Tony was calling me. As I answered the phone, he asked me, "Are you okay?" I broke down in tears and told him about the whole American Flag incident, and then I couldn't find my purse, etc. etc. and I continued to cry like a baby. I fell asleep on the kitchen floor, for an hour or so, while talking to him and then headed home to get some real sleep.
The next day I went into my backpack to get out some medications that I had in there, and that's when I discovered my whole bottle of Adderall was missing!! The kid who went through my backpack STOLE my prescription Adderall for his recreational purposes and then denied it (of course) when I had J call him to tell him I wanted it back!! I'm still furious over the whole thing! Pretty soon I will not have ANY faith left in civilian people AT ALL! Grr.

On the other hand... here's a cute picture from the party!!

God Bless The U.S.A!

I have come to realize that the closer we get to the end of this deployment, the more irritable I get. I am amazed that my co-workers didn't murder me over the weekend with the mood swings I had. At times, I find myself getting sick of hearing everyone talk about their significant others and I have to walk away in fear that biting my tongue just won't be sufficient enough. I know I can't get mad at people for talking about their relationships. It's not their fault I am going through this deployment. I signed up for it. When I married Tony, I knew damn well where Tony was going. And now that we are 70+ days away, I just want it to be over with already! I'm so frustrated! And I haven't heard anymore news about my aunt. It's just so hard not being able to do anything to make situations better. I'm so sick of having to wait. Wait for news on my aunt. Wait for my hubby to call. Wait for my hubby to come home. Wait for one day to end so another can begin all so that we'll be one day closer to his home coming. Wait for this. Wait for that. Wait for this, this, that and the other thing. Hurry up and wait! I know when my hubby reads this post he is going to freak out at this next thing I am going to say.. I feel like I am not as strong as I was at the begining of this deployment. (Don't worry hubby!! I am NOT giving up! That's not what I mean AT ALL!) Maybe I just have a lot more on my plate, now, than I did at the begining.

Mother Theresa said it best.. "I know God would not give me anything I could not handle. I just with He didn't trust me so much."

I'm not sure when I'll be posting again after this one. On Thursday, we (my family and I) got some bad news. My uncle called us to let us know that my aunt (who lives in Georgia) was brought to the hospital, and they discovered that she had a ruptured brain aneurysm. They med-flighted her to another hospital where they performed emergency brain surgery.
They extubated her on Friday and she was able to talk a little bit. However, at some point during the night (Thursday night) the drain her head collapsed and no one noticed. So now she remains in critical condition, and the doctors feel that the rest of the blood in her head will drain on its own. In my opinion.. that's bogus.

On Thursday (before my uncle called us) my sister left home and headed for her first station in Maine. I miss her already. I never thought I'd say that. But the twelve days she was home we had a blast together. Now I'm all alone again.

Anyhoo.. I know this was a rather short update.. but I just worked 3p-3a and I have to be back at 3pm today, so I need to get some shut eye. Later y'all!