I think I'm finally starting to hit my breaking point. That fine line in between being able to hold my composure in any given situation and ripping my hair out while running into the walls of a padded room, is slowly started to fade. I'm not giving up on my husband, and I am certainly not giving up on this deployment. I just can't seem to find a spare five minutes where I'm actually able to take a deep breath, which is exactly why myself and one of my co-workers are going out for a couple of drinks tonight. We've both put in a ridiculous amount of hours over the last week and a half and we finally have a day off tomorrow, so we decided that it was necessary to celebrate. After I got home from work today, at 3pm, I've been hanging out around the house. That's much different than what I should have been doing. The weather has been so nice the last couple of days and I have missed all of it. All day I had been telling myself that I was going to lay outside and soak up the sun when I got home. That all changed when I walked in the door and got to sit down for the first time in umm... let's see... about ten days. Now I have no motivation to do much of anything... except go out for drinks, of course. I feel like I'm half dead right now and to be quite honest.. I probably should be with the way I am working myself.
I no longer hear from Tony on his breaks everyday. This really upsets me because the only time I get to talk to him is the first thing in the morning before work, which just happens to be the crabbiest part of the day for me, or at night when he has finished his shift. And by the time he gets back to his room he is so very tired and usually passes out in no time once his head hits the pillow. I thought that we'd be much closer this half of the deployment, but since when am I ever right about anything. Instead, I feel so distant from him. I find myself worrying a lot more without him calling me in the middle of the day. Right now I feel like my head is about to explode with the way it's throbbing. I'm trying to convince myself that my head hurts because I haven't really eaten much today. Actually, I haven't really eaten much of anything the last week. I guess I better make that a priority before going out with KC for drinks!