While my husband is over in Iraq fighting in a war that is legit, the war here at home continues. I can't seem to get along with anyone. My sister is constantly being praised for joining the Coast Guard, however, when I wanted to join the Air Force or the Navy, I was constantly being told to re-think my decision, I needed to realize what I was getting myself into, and that I shouldn't do it. And now that I haven't done it and I am going back to school in March, I am all of a sudden "doing nothing" with my life, or so my mother says. The only shoulder I really have to cry on is D's. She finally got her plane ticket. She's leaving me on March 4th. I understand her reasons and I am so very proud and happy for her, yet she came seem to pull herself together. She is always telling me how upset she is that she is leaving me. I told her last night that a true best friend understands why another best friend has to do what she has to do. I'm going to be okay. I know I will.
Tony comes home in 20+ days for his RR. I'm really excited about it and I am constantly thinking about all the fun we are going to have. But at the end of the days when I'm laying my head down to sleep, I start thinking about how painful it is going to be to let go of him one more time. It kills me to have to do that. I know that I should be thinking about how nice it's going to be to see him again, but I can't help it. We both know that all the laughter and good times will come to an end and we will have to face the inevitable. He is going to have to be the bigger person again and pull away from me, and I am going to have to watch him walk away and not look back. I'll sit there and wait until his plane takes off, as much as it kills me to sit there and watch him REALLY leave me. But I know how much he hates to fly, so I just can't bring myself to leave him alone during take off.. even though I'm willing to bet that he doesn't even realize I sit there and watch his plane take off, but I love him, so I do. And then I'm going to bawl my eyes out the whole way walking to my car, and a handful of inconsiderate people are going to yell rude things out to me like "Get over it!" and "It can't be that bad!" I'll spend about 10-20 minutes sitting in my car trying to regain my composure, and then cautiously make my way home as I continue to sob and feel sorry for myself. I'll then spend the next two days in bed wanting to die and eventually get back to life's crappy routine and wait the next six months for my sweetheart to come home for good. Then I can get the heck out of my house and settle down into married life!!!