I apologize for not making a post specifically wishing everyone some safe and happy holidays. I would have, however, this time of year got the best of me. I came down with the dreaded flu. I ended up going home early, from work, Saturday. It's been awful. I haven't started feeling better until today. On Christmas day I was supposed to go to my grandparents' house. I know someone people hate dealing with the grief of making the rounds on holidays, but now that I am older, and I understand just how important family is, I don't mind making the rounds. I was so disappointed when I couldn't be with everyone on Christmas. It's bad enough my husband is in a war zone, but now my family left me home alone as well. I'm not mad at Tony at all for being where he is. I don't have any sour feelings towards him either. He is over there doing something great. He's doing something that a lot of people only dream about doing. I am so proud of him. And I know that next Christmas will be so much better when he's home. It was just a really awful feeling to be that alone on Christmas Day. No one wanted to be around me. And honestly, I can't say that I blame them. Who really wants to be sick with the flu?

The good news is that my article was finally in the paper! You can click on the link to read some of the other stories if you'd like. But if you're lazy (like me) and you don't feel like hunting through all those articles to find mine, here it is...

"SALEM - Newlywed Stacie Hawkins sent her husband soldier six Christmas cards about 12 days ago, in time for them all to arrive by Christmas. In card one, she greets Sgt. Anthony Hawkins with the words: "To my best friend." In card six, she tells the New Hampshire Army National Guardsman she wishes they were together making new memories, rather than apart remembering old ones.

"I think he'll cry on that one," she says over coffee, her husband's dog tags from basic training and his deployment ring strung on a neck chain.

Stacie, 22, of Salem and Anthony, 24, of Dalton got married in September, the same month Anthony's boots hit the sand in Iraq for his second tour. They had been dating a short time before they married, but met two years ago when he came home from his first tour in Iraq.

Stacie, a Salem High School graduate, says the couple cope with separation by talking over the Internet and via cell phone, and by looking forward to being reunited.

Stacie says he gets irritable with fellow soldiers if he doesn't talk to her regularly. This was happening the other day and his commanding officer told him: "Go talk to your wife."

Stacie also tries to bridge the distance separating her and Anthony by sending him Christmas cheer. She just shipped Anthony a big care box including cigarettes and nonperishable food items, each wrapped in Sponge Bob wrapping paper. She stuffed a Sponge Bob blanket inside. He likes Sponge Bob. Stacie's parents shipped Anthony Dunkin' Donuts coffee, another of his favorites. He and the troops reused the grounds three times.

He is stationed outside Baghdad, guarding detainees at a new prison. Stacie finds it very difficult to hear about violence in Iraq and not know whether her husband is safe and secure.

She knew two Salem High alumni killed in May while serving in Iraq, Marine Lance Cpl. Robert Moscillo, 21, and Army Cpl. Nicholas Arvanitis, 22. Stacie works with a mom whose son was killed in Iraq in June, Army Sgt. Daniel Gionet, 23, of Pelham.

In memory of the three men, Stacie has tied three large red ribbons to a dogwood tree. The tree was the lone one in her front yard to survive a winter storm several years ago.

Stacie also ties smaller ribbons to the dogwood, one each day that Anthony is away from home. Anthony cried when he opened an e-mail with a photograph of the tree, she said.

Pictures, presents and conversation will have to do for now, she says.

When Anthony gets back for good late next year, the couple will celebrate all their missed holidays: carve a pumpkin, cook a turkey and buy a Christmas tree. They'll celebrate Valentine's Day and touch off fireworks for July 4, too, she said."

I wasn't as pleased with this article as I thought I was going to be. I feel that the reporter tried to "spice" it up a tad, when it would've been so much more heart-warming if he had just left it alone. I'm guessing this is why my husband dislikes the media so much. I should've taken his word on that subject a long time ago.

Getting back to my miserable Christmas. I guess I can't sit here and complain too much. There are people out there who do have it worse than I do, and my sister got me The War Tapes. This isn't just your regular old war movie... it's the REAL THING! When my husband was in Iraq the last time, people in his company were given video cameras and they filmed for the entire year that were there. I even spotted Tony in it towards the end of the movie! I have been itching to see this for the last couple of months now, while Tony has been asking me not to watch it. He was scared that the movie was going to put false ideas in my head of what he's going through over there now, during his second deployment. However, like your typical, stubborn female, I wasn't about to listen to him. When I told him that my sister had purchased the DVD for me, he even asked me to wait til he comes home on RnR, to watch it. In a way, I'm almost kind of afraid to let him watch it. It's what he went through over there. You can't tell me that it's not going to bring back memories, because you and I both know damn well that it will. But at the same time I am hoping that if he does watch it, it'll help him with the flash backs and nightmares that he has. I'm hoping that it'll help him find some sort of release or escape from all of those fears and unspoken memories. I just want, so badly, for him to be okay. I don't love him any less.. I love him more and more every day that I wake up.

As of yesterday, we have hit the 3 month mark in this deployment. 25% down 75% to go. I'm really excited about it, but at the same time it's so discouraging. He's been gone since July and 3 months is all that has been accomplished. That's it. Not 5, but 3. When am I supposed to see that light at the end of tunnel, because the further we get, it feels like the end is just that much further away. I will be so glad when this entire thing is done and over with. I want my soldier back in my arms right now! I'm just so sick of feeling so alone. I hope to God that these next 9 months fly by.

Well, if I don't post again before this year is over.. I hope you all have a SAFE and happy new year!! Be responsible!!