I'm at work right now and have time for probably only a quick update. I wish I had the time to post as frequently as I did at the begining of this deployment, but now that I am full time here in the ER and going back to school, making time to blog just seems impossible.

I can't remember if I mentioned it in an earlier post, but my sister came home last Friday. I barely got to see her since she spent most of the time with her boyfriend. Which, of course, is understandable. I took them out to lunch on Saturday. We had a good time filling eachother in with all our funny stories from work. Poor Eric barely got to speak two words. But he realized a long time ago that when my sister and I get together (and we aren't fighting) we never shut up! I guess we are your typical females. Full of hot air. Or maybe we just feel the need to live up to the reputation that females, somehow, acquired years ago. Anyways, just as quickly as the time came for her to come home, the time came for her to go back to Maine. And again, I was left with an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. As I stood there watching her leave, I began wondering to myself, again, how I was going to pass the time without her. It seems that since she first left, even for boot camp, I have become a lot closer with my younger brother. We don't hang out, but I talk to him in a civilized manner instead of fighting with him. And every now and again I offer to pick him up from work instead of my parents having to do it. However, my brother will be moving out of the house towards the end of this month. He's going to be living at a college, where he will be studying creative writing. I'm proud of him, yet angry at the same time because everyone is leaving me! Sometimes I wonder what I must have done wrong to cause all the people in my life to abandon me, but deep down I know it's not me. I know that everyone who has left, is doing something to better their life. I am proud of each and every one of them. With 30+ days until Tony comes home, I am desperate for things to do to help me pass the time! School has been overwhelming me and it's mainly my fault. I have put my research paper off until the last minute. It's due Monday and I don't even have the whole thing typed up yet!! Instead of focusing on my school work, I've been hanging out with CL a lot. I have discovered that the time passes much faster when you're really having fun. And the time has passed so quickly that now my paper is due and I haven't finished it. I'm just about ready to panic. Tony tells me all the time I can do it. Just like he told me I'd do just fine on my midterm, and I aced it. I suppose I should listen to him more than I listen to anyone else. It feels as if he's the only person that has any faith in me at all. It's amazing how much he believes in me, but at the same time it truly scares me. I am so afraid to fail now. I am so afraid of letting him down one of these days. I could disappoint every single person on the face of the Earth and still be content, but the day that I disappoint my husband... I don't even know what I'd do with myself. And to be honest, I really don't ever want to find out either. Sigh.